DINH DOONG

In a surprising turn of events that has left ABC executives in a state of chaos and conservative viewers nodding in approval, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr have officially put an end to their eagerly awaited “non-woke” series with ABC. The cause? According to the pair, ABC’s management of the recent Trump-Harris debate, accompanied by the resulting controversy, marked the final straw in what they label the network’s utter “loss of credibility.”

Allen and Barr, who had envisioned a sitcom designed as a rebuttal to political correctness, identity politics, and everything labeled as “woke,” have decided to forgo the project, citing ABC’s “overreach” in fact-checking the debate and, more significantly, their effort to “appease the woke mob.” This decision has sent shockwaves through Hollywood, particularly impacting audiences—especially non-woke advocates across America.

The planned show, tentatively named America Uncanceled, was anticipated to be the newest sensation for ABC. Aiming to tap into the widespread dissatisfaction with Hollywood elites, Allen and Barr envisioned a sitcom that would address contentious subjects like cancel culture, the shrinking of free speech, and the supposed oppression of health-conscious food choices. It was designed to be a comedic sanctuary for those feeling suffocated by political correctness, where humor about snowflakes and virtue signaling could thrive without censure from online mobs.

The casting was also noteworthy—a conservative’s dream lineup featuring Tim Allen, who has openly voiced his political opinions, and Roseanne Barr, the enduringly controversial figure freshly trying to reclaim her spot in the spotlight following a scandal. Together, they were poised to confront the “woke agenda,” armed with humor aimed at participation trophies and triggered liberals.

Unfortunately, this dream fizzled out faster than ABC’s ratings during the Trump-Harris debate.

ABC’s hosting of the Trump-Harris debate was initially expected to be a ratings triumph; instead, it became a political flashpoint. With moderators fact-checking Trump live and seemingly granting Harris a free pass, a significant portion of the audience was incensed. While some commended the network for “upholding the truth,” others saw it as a direct assault on free speech—especially concerning Trump.

Tim Allen, no stranger to vocalizing his distaste for “media bias,” was reportedly tuning in to the debate from his man cave, a personal shrine dedicated to tools, muscle cars, and traditional gender roles. As moderators corrected Trump’s claims regarding “Democrats executing babies post-birth” and “immigrants consuming Ohio pets,” Allen’s irritation rose.

Meanwhile, Roseanne Barr expressed her own grievances with ABC’s strategy. After her exit from her own revival of Roseanne due to a controversial tweet, Barr has long harbored bitterness towards the network’s apparent double standards. “They fact-checked Trump like he was reading cereal box nutrition labels,” she argued, “while Kamala could assert the moon is made of tofu, and they’d just nod in agreement.”

In the aftermath of the debate, social media reacted explosively, demanding ABC issue an apology to Trump and his supporters. However, ABC stood firm, defending their decision to fact-check as part of their commitment to journalism. This stance prompted Allen and Barr to withdraw from the collaboration.

Following the contentious debate, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr issued a joint statement confirming the cancellation of their show with ABC, detailing their reasoning. In typically candid fashion, Allen initiated the statement by declaring, “ABC’s credibility is gone. If they can’t even manage a fair debate without transforming it into a fact-checking spectacle, what hope remains for sincere entertainment?”

Barr continued, “I was ousted from my own show for a joke. Yet here’s ABC allowing Kamala Harris a free pass while scrutinizing every word Trump says. Where’s the equity in that? We refuse to collaborate with a network that genuflects to the woke agenda and masquerades it as journalism.”

The joint statement quickly went viral, with conservative outlets praising the pair as champions of free speech and advocates against wokeness. The hashtag #ABCisOverParty began trending, as fans of Allen and Barr pledged to boycott the network. For once, the discussion transcended mere sitcoms, becoming a part of a larger cultural dispute.

It’s evident that ABC is feeling the impact of this decision. The network had pinned high hopes on America Uncanceled as a mechanism to reclaim conservative viewers feeling disconnected from Hollywood’s progressive narratives. But now, with Allen and Barr withdrawing, ABC is left with diminished prospects and exposed to the growing anti-woke movement.

Insiders reveal that ABC executives are quietly reeling from this setback, acutely aware of the lost opportunity for a show that could have attracted a wider audience. “We believed we were striking a balance,” remarked one unidentified executive. “We had The Conners for our progressive audience, and we were counting on Tim and Roseanne to represent the other side. Now, we’re left with nothing.”

As for ABC’s next steps, sources indicate that the network is fervently searching for a way to fill the gap left by America Uncanceled. Speculation is rampant that they may attempt to create another “non-woke” series, but with Allen and Barr out of the equation, securing suitable talent may be challenging. After all, how many prominent conservatives still exist in Hollywood?

While ABC deals with these repercussions, Allen and Barr are reportedly unperturbed. In fact, the duo is said to be in discussions with several other networks and streaming services eager to carry on where ABC fell short. Fox News has already reached out to the pair, hoping to include them in their new streaming platform, Fox Nation. “We recognize there’s an audience craving this type of programming,” stated a Fox executive, “and we’re thrilled to offer Tim and Roseanne a space where they can authentically express themselves—unrestrained by fact-checkers.”

However, Allen and Barr may have even larger ambitions. In today’s realm of DIY media, the two are contemplating establishing their own platform to control the narrative completely, free from external censorship. With their combined influence and a committed fanbase, it wouldn’t be surprising if America Uncanceled found a new refuge—free from the limitations of traditional networks and the supposed “woke mob.”

For the moment, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr have clearly defined their boundaries, stepping away from ABC and envisioning a future where their humor and political perspectives can thrive unconstrained. The cancellation of their show signifies yet another development in the ongoing culture clash focusing on free speech, cancel culture, and the implications of “wokeness.”

As for ABC, they have learned a formidable lesson: attempting to cater to everyone often results in satisfying no one. And in a landscape where fact-checking the president can lead to the abandonment of an entire series, it’s apparent that the distinction between journalism and entertainment has become increasingly indistinct.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, Not Real News.