DINH DOONG

In a shocking and self-assured move, Hollywood superstar Mark Wahlberg has turned down a $2 billion offer from Disney to star in its latest blockbuster project, citing a staunch refusal to be associated with the company’s growing “wokeness.”

“I’m done. No chance I’ll work with them again. I don’t need that wokeness in my life,” Wahlberg allegedly told sources close to the project during a heated phone call, reportedly slamming down his protein shake for added emphasis. The move sent shockwaves throughout the entertainment industry, sparking conversations from gym locker rooms to corporate boardrooms about whether Wahlberg’s rejection was a principled stand or the latest chapter in Hollywood’s ongoing cultural divide.

Disney’s $2 billion project, rumored to be a cross between The Avengers and Frozen, was set to feature Wahlberg in the lead role as a morally conflicted snowplow driver who uncovers his true superpowers while battling an army of eco-conscious yet misunderstood polar bears. According to insiders, the film was expected to break new ground in the Disney cinematic universe, weaving together climate change, corporate responsibility, and a heartfelt subplot about inclusive snowman communities.

With Wahlberg at the helm, the film was primed to pull in audiences across all demographics. After all, Wahlberg’s unique blend of muscles, grit, and occasional religious fervor has made him a fan favorite for decades. But in a stunning twist of fate, the project now faces an uncertain future.

So, what exactly was the “wokeness” that Wahlberg found so unbearable?

“Well, for one, they wanted me to wear this rainbow-colored snowplow uniform. I said, ‘No, that’s not happening. My snowplow’s American-made and red, white, and blue.’ They also wanted to replace my sidekick—who was supposed to be a golden retriever named Patriot—with a gender-fluid, pansexual penguin,” Wahlberg reportedly told a close friend over a game of golf at an undisclosed location. “I mean, come on, there’s only so much a guy can take.”

Wahlberg’s resistance to the alleged changes in the script didn’t stop there. According to other sources, the studio also planned to have his character attend a sensitivity seminar led by none other than Olaf from Frozen, who had recently been retconned as a social justice advocate and climate activist.

“That’s where I drew the line,” Wahlberg confessed to a personal trainer at a local gym. “I’m all for saving the planet, but I’m not about to take orders from a talking snowman who can’t even keep his head on straight.”

Wahlberg’s decision to walk away from a $2 billion payday has already ignited fierce debate about the growing chasm between Hollywood’s traditional action stars and the industry’s push toward inclusivity. While Wahlberg has never shied away from controversy—whether it be his love for Catholicism or his early 2000s pop-rap career—this latest move has rebranded him as a champion for what many see as the anti-woke crowd.

Critics of Disney’s recent direction argue that the company has strayed too far from its roots. Gone are the days of simple stories about mermaids and space cowboys, they say. Instead, audiences are now being bombarded with narratives that carry messages about social justice, identity politics, and sustainability. To some, Disney’s shift represents a necessary reflection of today’s world. To others, like Wahlberg, it’s “wokeness” run amok.

“Mark is standing up for the average American moviegoer,” says Brock Steelman, head of the newly-formed “Actors Against Wokeness” coalition, which boasts a membership of 37 disgruntled former action stars and C-list celebrities. “He’s saying, ‘Enough is enough.’ We just want to watch movies where the bad guys lose, the hero drinks a beer, and the dog lives.”

Disney, meanwhile, has remained tight-lipped on the matter. While they haven’t publicly addressed Wahlberg’s comments, industry insiders suggest that they’re scrambling to find a replacement. Rumor has it that Disney is now eyeing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the role, banking on his ability to navigate tricky cultural waters while lifting massive trucks over his head.

With Disney out of the picture, many are left wondering: what’s next for Mark Wahlberg? Some suggest the actor may be gearing up to form his own production company, one that prioritizes traditional action films free from any “woke” messaging. According to unconfirmed reports, Wahlberg has already pitched a film to potential investors tentatively titled Patriot Plow: The Frozen Frontier, in which he plays an ex-Marine turned snowplow driver who single-handedly saves Christmas from a villainous polar vortex.

Others speculate that Wahlberg could be on the verge of a second career—possibly as a motivational speaker on the dangers of wokeness in Hollywood. “You can’t plow through life with a rainbow on your back,” he cryptically told an interviewer outside his Wahlburgers franchise earlier this week, leaving fans both intrigued and concerned.

Predictably, social media has erupted in response to Wahlberg’s announcement. Fans and critics alike have taken to Twitter (or X, as the cool kids call it now) to voice their opinions.

“Mark Wahlberg just said NO to Disney?!? What a LEGEND!” one user tweeted, attaching a gif of Wahlberg punching a bag of frozen peas in The Fighter. “Finally, someone’s standing up to that corporate nonsense.”

On the other side of the spectrum, Disney loyalists were quick to voice their disappointment. “Good riddance. He couldn’t act his way out of a snowstorm anyway,” one commenter fired off, alongside a picture of Elsa from Frozen giving the cold shoulder.

Amid the chaos, one thing remains clear: Mark Wahlberg’s bold rejection of Disney’s offer has sparked a conversation that goes beyond one movie role. As Hollywood continues to wrestle with its identity in a rapidly changing cultural landscape, Wahlberg’s decision represents a larger battle over the future of entertainment itself.

Of course, the internet being what it is, the situation hasn’t escaped memeification. Within hours of the news breaking, a viral image began circulating online depicting Wahlberg riding a snowplow with the words, “Woke? Nope,” emblazoned across the front. Another popular meme reimagines Wahlberg’s Ted character as the CEO of a fictional anti-woke streaming service called “Patriot+,” where action heroes save the world without taking sensitivity training first.

In the end, whether Wahlberg’s decision to part ways with Disney is seen as a brave stand against wokeness or simply another celebrity tantrum, one thing’s for sure: he’ll be plowing through controversy for the foreseeable future.