DINH DOONG

In a move that has left both fans and fictitious tabloids in a frenzy, Tom Hanks, America’s sweetheart and the guy-next-door of Hollywood, has reportedly turned down a collaboration with none other than Rob Reiner. The reason? Hanks, in a dramatic departure from his usual persona, declared, “I don’t work with woke people.” Yes, you read that right. Tom Hanks, the man who made talking to a volleyball seem normal, is now apparently taking a stand against wokeness.

Let’s set the stage for this comical scenario. Picture this: Tom Hanks, sitting in his lavish, yet tastefully decorated Hollywood mansion, sifting through scripts. He comes across one from Rob Reiner, the directorial maestro behind classics like “When Harry Met Sally.” Hanks, known for his diverse roles, from the lovable Forrest Gump to the heroic Captain Miller in “Saving Private Ryan,” suddenly transforms into a character from a Woke sketch. He pushes the script aside, dramatically proclaiming his stance against “wokeness.”

Meanwhile, Rob Reiner, equally baffled and amused, reportedly stares at his phone in disbelief. “Tom said what now?” he mutters, half-expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and yell, “You got punk’d!”

Now, let’s dive into the absurdity of this fictional woke war. In our parallel universe, Hanks has become the unlikely flag-bearer against Hollywood’s progressive tide. Forget his decades of portraying empathetic, morally upright characters. In this alternate reality, Hanks has decided that wokeness – a term so vague that it could include anything from advocating for social justice to preferring almond milk in your latte – is where he draws the line.

But wait, there’s more. Picture Hollywood’s elite holding emergency meetings in vegan cafés, their Pilates classes forgotten, as they ponder over this new Hanks doctrine. “Is Tom onto something?” they wonder, as they sip their fair-trade, organic coffee. “Should we too renounce our wokeness to be part of the next big Hanks project?”

The irony of this situation is as thick as the plot of a soap opera. Tom Hanks, the actor who once made us believe that a child could be an adult overnight (literally), now taking a stand that feels like a plot twist from a low-budget comedy. It’s as if Forrest Gump decided to suddenly become a Wall Street tycoon, trading in his box of chocolates for stocks and bonds.

Rob Reiner, on the other hand, is left scratching his head. Known for his progressive views, Reiner can’t fathom this newfound philosophy from Hanks. In this narrative, he wonders if perhaps a role in one of his politically charged documentaries might sway Hanks back to the “woke” side.

Imagine the ripple effect of Hanks’ declaration. Studios start re-evaluating their projects. “Is this too woke for Tom?” becomes a standard question in pitch meetings. Screenwriters begin tweaking their scripts, removing any dialogue that sounds remotely progressive, just in case Hanks reads them.

Agents are in a tizzy. “My client will only work in non-woke environments,” they declare, not entirely sure what constitutes “woke” but terrified of losing a potential Hanks project. Meanwhile, the term “woke” becomes so diluted and overused that it starts to lose any real meaning, much like the plot of a movie that’s gone on for two hours too long.

In this tale, Tom Hanks emerges as an unlikely hero in the battle against wokeness, a term so broadly interpreted that even he might not fully grasp what he’s standing against. He becomes a beacon of hope for those tired of progressive narratives, despite having built a career on portraying some of the most heartwarming and humanistic characters in film history.

As our story comes to a close, we realize that the scenario of Tom Hanks rejecting Rob Reiner for being “woke” is as absurd as it is amusing. It’s a playful jab at the complexities and sometimes the absurdities of Hollywood’s engagement with social and political issues.

In reality, Hanks remains the beloved actor known for his versatility and everyman charm, and Reiner continues to be a respected figure in the industry. But in our world, they become the faces of a hilariously imagined cultural clash, one that reminds us to take a step back and laugh at the sometimes ridiculous nature of celebrity culture and Hollywood politics.