DINH DOONG

In a day filled with unexpected drama and spice, right in the heart of Fieri-land, a place known for its culinary cacophony, an unforeseen celebrity feud was brewing. Not even the Food Network could have whipped up the spectacle that unfolded when Guy Fieri, the self-proclaimed Mayor of Flavortown, showed actress Whoopi Goldberg the exit of his restaurant with a fiery proclamation: “You’re not welcome here.”

Before we sink our teeth into this sizzling story, let’s set the scene. The venue was Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, Fieri’s renowned flagship in the pulsating heart of Times Square. This is a place where patrons usually embark on a gastronomic adventure through the artery-clogging world of Donkey Sauce-drenched ‘Trash Can Nachos,’ only to be served a side of Hollywood drama on this occasion.

The curtain rose with the entrance of Goldberg, a shining star whose accolades include the coveted EGOT – an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony. She stepped into the establishment, presumably to taste Fieri’s notorious ‘Sashimi Tacos,’ but was met with a frosty reception instead.

Soon enough, Fieri himself burst out of the kitchen, his signature bleached spiky hair mirroring the flames of his often-used flamethrower, and his bowling shirts billowing dramatically. He delivered a line that could’ve been ripped straight from a Quentin Tarantino script. “Whoopi,” he snarled, smoke practically puffing from his frosted tips, “you’re not welcome here.”

Goldberg, known for her long-standing peace activism, seemed taken aback. After all, this was Times Square, not ‘The View’ studio where verbal spats are more common than the excessive cilantro in Fieri’s ‘Morgan’s Gnarly Greek Nachos.’ The audience – or rather, the diners – gasped, forks frozen midway to their mouths. Some choked on their ‘Vegas Fries’ in shock. Others, more cynically inclined, quickly took to Twitter, making the ‘Guy vs Whoopi’ trend faster than the latest celebrity diet fad.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not true