DINH DOONG

In a surprising twist that even Hollywood couldn’t have scripted, former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has reportedly declared that he’s had enough of the disrespect in the United States and is now seriously considering packing his bags for Russia if things don’t improve.

Yes, you read that right—Russia.

In a lengthy and somewhat baffling interview with a fringe podcast (because where else would this story originate?), Kaepernick outlined his frustrations with the state of America, claiming that the disrespect he’s faced since kneeling during the national anthem in 2016 has reached an all-time high. According to him, unless things start to change, he’s out of here—and Moscow is the next stop.

“I’ve Tried Everything, But America Just Isn’t Listening”

For years, Kaepernick has been a polarizing figure, both in and out of the football world. What began as a peaceful protest against racial injustice and police brutality quickly snowballed into a nationwide controversy, leading to Kaepernick being effectively blackballed from the NFL. Despite this, the former 49ers quarterback remained committed to his cause, becoming a powerful voice for social justice and launching numerous campaigns aimed at raising awareness for issues affecting marginalized communities.

But apparently, it’s not enough.

“I’ve tried everything,” Kaepernick said in his podcast interview, sounding a bit like someone who’s done with their day job and ready to move to Bali to start a meditation retreat. “I kneeled, I donated, I worked with organizations. But at the end of the day, it feels like the country just isn’t listening. And if America won’t respect me for the work I’ve done, maybe Russia will.”

Yes, because if there’s one country known for its deep respect for outspoken athletes and social justice warriors, it’s Russia.

When asked why he’d choose Russia, of all places, Kaepernick’s response was as cryptic as it was eyebrow-raising. “Look, I know what you’re thinking,” he said, pausing dramatically as if he could hear the collective confusion through the airwaves. “But hear me out. Russia has this… strength. This toughness. They don’t pretend to care about things they don’t care about. It’s pure. Uncomplicated.”

Kaepernick went on to explain that, in his mind, America has become “too soft,” with its endless political debates and “performative wokeness” not leading to real change. “In Russia, you know where you stand. I respect that.”

It’s unclear whether Kaepernick has actually done any research into the current political climate of Russia, where dissent isn’t exactly rewarded with job offers or endorsement deals. Nevertheless, the quarterback seemed convinced that the respect he craves might be found in a country where protesting athletes are more likely to be sidelined in ways far more permanent than anything Roger Goodell could dream up.

Predictably, the internet had a field day with Kaepernick’s latest announcement. Within minutes of the podcast airing, #KapGoesRussian was trending on Twitter, with reactions ranging from disbelief to hilarity. Many users couldn’t resist pointing out the irony of Kaepernick seeking respect in a country where the government has, historically, not been known for tolerating dissent.

“Wait… Kaepernick thinks Russia will respect him more? The same Russia that doesn’t allow free speech? I need to lie down,” tweeted @NotAClue69, perfectly capturing the collective confusion.

Other users took a more humorous approach. “So, when’s the documentary dropping? ‘From Kneeling to Moscow: The Colin Kaepernick Story’ coming to Netflix this fall,” joked @FreedomFryFan, while @RealPatriot1776 quipped, “Can we start a GoFundMe to buy him a one-way ticket?”

The memes were relentless. Photoshopped images of Kaepernick donning a fuzzy Russian ushanka hat, throwing a football in Red Square, and riding a bear alongside Vladimir Putin quickly flooded the internet.

But amidst the laughter, there were also those who saw this as yet another chapter in the ongoing saga of Colin Kaepernick vs. the World. Supporters of the former quarterback defended his frustrations, arguing that his point, while perhaps extreme, highlighted the broader issue of how America treats those who challenge the status quo.

“Look, he’s clearly not serious about Russia,” tweeted @JusticeForAll. “But his point stands: America hasn’t given him the respect he deserves, and he’s frustrated. Can you blame him?”

Whether or not Kaepernick is serious about relocating to Russia remains to be seen, but his latest comments have certainly sparked debate—yet again—about the state of activism in America and the role of athletes in politics. And while it’s easy to dismiss his Russia remark as the ramblings of someone fed up with the system, it does raise an interesting question: where does Kaepernick go from here?

Despite being out of the NFL since 2016, Kaepernick has remained a cultural force, with a dedicated following and a platform that few other athletes-turned-activists can match. He’s signed lucrative deals with brands like Nike, written memoirs, and launched initiatives aimed at helping communities in need. But at the end of the day, his ultimate goal—to return to the NFL—has remained elusive.

“I’ve been training. I’m ready to play,” Kaepernick reiterated during the interview. “But if the NFL doesn’t want me, and America doesn’t respect me, maybe it’s time to try something new.”

While it’s hard to imagine Kaepernick trading in his cleats for a matryoshka doll anytime soon, his frustrations are palpable. After all, this is a man who has spent the better part of the last decade being either revered or reviled for taking a stand—sometimes both at the same time.

In the grand tradition of celebrity announcements that may or may not be serious, Colin Kaepernick’s declaration that he’d consider leaving for Russia has left everyone—supporters and critics alike—wondering what his next move will be. Will he actually board a flight to Moscow, or is this just another way to highlight his ongoing battle for respect in the U.S.?

Only time will tell. But if one thing’s for sure, it’s that Colin Kaepernick knows how to keep people talking. Whether he’s kneeling on a football field or musing about life in Russia, he’s not going away quietly.

And if he does end up in Russia, well, we can only hope he packs a warm coat.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not true