DINH DOONG

In a truly bizarre twist of sandwich-related drama, Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight has made headlines for turning down an eye-popping $100 million sponsorship deal from Primanti Bros., the beloved Pittsburgh institution known for its iconic sandwiches piled high with French fries. But it wasn’t the carbs or the calories that made Voight walk away—it was something far more sinister in his eyes: wokeness.

Voight, whose support for conservative causes has earned him a spot in the hearts of right-wing fans everywhere, publicly rejected the deal after accusing Primanti Bros. of embracing “woke culture,” a move that he believes has tainted the once-hallowed sandwich chain.

“I never thought I’d see the day when even a place like Primanti Bros. would bow down to the woke mob,” Voight said in a fiery video posted to his social media accounts. “They offered me $100 million, fries and all, but no amount of money is worth my principles. They’ve gone woke, and I can’t support that.”

Primanti Bros. had reportedly approached Voight with the lucrative sponsorship deal, which included not only a $100 million payday but also a lifetime supply of their famous sandwiches. On paper, it seemed like an offer that any self-respecting celebrity—or hungry person—would be crazy to refuse. But Voight, known for his no-nonsense approach to politics and life, saw right through what he called “woke pandering.”

The restaurant, which has been a Pittsburgh staple for more than 90 years, recently launched a promotional campaign celebrating inclusivity and diversity, featuring employees from various backgrounds. The campaign’s messaging emphasized that Primanti Bros. was a welcoming place for “all people, no matter where they come from.” While the campaign was met with praise from many customers, it raised red flags for Voight.

“I’m all for treating people with respect, but when you start pushing political agendas through sandwiches, that’s where I draw the line,” Voight continued. “A sandwich should be a sandwich. It shouldn’t come with a side of virtue-signaling. This woke nonsense has no place in the food business.”

Voight wasn’t alone in his stand against the perceived “wokeness” of Primanti Bros. J.D. Vance, Republican senator and vice-presidential candidate, also weighed in on the controversy. Vance had his own beef with the sandwich shop after an incident in which he was reportedly barred from entering a Primanti Bros. location in North Versailles, Pennsylvania, during a campaign stop.

According to Vance, the restaurant manager refused to allow him entry, citing that the event “wasn’t a campaign stop” and that “J.D.’s not allowed in.” The manager even threatened to call the police if Vance entered the establishment, setting off a firestorm of conservative backlash against the chain.

“This is just another example of how the left’s woke agenda is infiltrating every aspect of our lives,” Vance said in a statement following the incident. “First, they try to shut down free speech, and now they won’t even let me enjoy a sandwich. It’s outrageous.”

Voight, ever the outspoken critic of “cancel culture,” backed up Vance, adding that Primanti Bros.’ treatment of the senator was yet another sign that the restaurant had succumbed to the pressures of political correctness.

“If they’re banning J.D. Vance from grabbing a sandwich, what’s next?” Voight asked rhetorically. “Are they going to kick out anyone who doesn’t agree with their woke policies? This is what’s wrong with America today. We’ve lost the ability to disagree and still enjoy a good meal together.”

While Voight and Vance continued to speak out against the restaurant, Primanti Bros. tried to remain diplomatic in its response. In a public statement, the chain expressed disappointment that Voight had turned down the deal but reiterated its commitment to inclusivity.

“We’ve always prided ourselves on being a welcoming place for all members of our community,” the statement read. “While we regret that Mr. Voight has chosen not to partner with us, we respect his decision and wish him all the best. As for Senator Vance, we welcome all patrons, regardless of their political affiliation. However, there were logistical concerns on the day of his visit that led to some confusion.”

The statement concluded with a reminder that Primanti Bros. has been serving the people of Pittsburgh for nearly a century and that they would continue to do so with or without celebrity endorsements. “Our doors are open to everyone, and we’ll keep doing what we do best—serving up delicious sandwiches and supporting our community.”

As news of Voight’s rejection and Vance’s Primanti Bros. debacle spread, social media was flooded with reactions from fans on both sides of the political spectrum. Some praised Voight for standing up for his beliefs, with one Twitter user writing, “Jon Voight turning down $100 million because Primanti Bros. went woke is the kind of bravery we need right now. Forget fries on sandwiches—how about a little integrity?”

Others, however, found the whole situation to be absurd. “This is what we’ve come to? People arguing about sandwiches and politics? Give me a break,” one commenter quipped. “I just want to enjoy a Primanti Bros. sandwich without thinking about Jon Voight’s feelings.”

A faction of Pittsburgh locals also voiced their dismay, particularly those who saw Voight and Vance’s criticism as an overreaction. “It’s a sandwich, man. Calm down,” one resident told reporters. “I don’t care who eats at Primanti Bros. as long as I get my sandwich with extra fries.”

Despite the political rhetoric surrounding the restaurant, many Pittsburghers remained loyal to Primanti Bros., vowing to continue enjoying the sandwiches that have become synonymous with Steel City culture. However, the controversy has also prompted calls for boycotts from some conservative corners, with fans of Voight and Vance declaring that they would take their business elsewhere.

While it remains to be seen how this controversy will affect Primanti Bros. in the long term, it has certainly placed the sandwich chain in the middle of a culture war. As businesses across the country navigate the fraught political landscape, the question of whether to embrace or reject wokeness continues to loom large.

For Jon Voight, the answer is clear. “I won’t compromise my values for a sandwich, no matter how good it tastes,” he said. “Primanti Bros. has made their choice, and I’ve made mine. There are plenty of other places to eat that haven’t gone woke.”

J.D. Vance, meanwhile, has vowed to keep fighting against what he calls “woke corporate America” and promised to continue supporting businesses that align with his values. “This isn’t just about sandwiches,” Vance said. “It’s about the future of our country. We need to stand up to these woke corporations and make our voices heard.”

As for Primanti Bros., the restaurant has made it clear that it will continue to focus on serving its customers, fries and all, regardless of the political storm brewing around it. Whether the sandwich chain will suffer financially or emerge unscathed remains to be seen.

At the heart of this controversy lies a deeper question: Can businesses truly remain neutral in an era where every decision is viewed through a political lens? For Jon Voight and J.D. Vance, the answer is no. But for Primanti Bros., the mission remains simple: serve great sandwiches to the people of Pittsburgh, wokeness or not.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not True.

This Story Was Contributed By Hawaii For President Trump’s Third Term