DINH DOONG

In what can only be described as the ultimate red card of public humiliation, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has reportedly been permanently banned from attending college football games after facing a thunderous wave of boos at the Michigan-Minnesota matchup on Saturday. The governor, who had hoped to enjoy a leisurely afternoon at “The Big House” in Ann Arbor, instead found himself in the center of a political tailspin as Michigan fans made it abundantly clear that he was not on their starting lineup—or any lineup for that matter.

The drama unfolded as Governor Walz made his grand entrance, hoping to receive at least a smattering of applause as his motorcade pulled up. Unfortunately for Walz, the crowd in Michigan was not feeling particularly charitable. Instead of polite claps or, dare we dream, cheers, the governor was met with a chorus of boos that could have rivaled a stadium full of rival fans reacting to a fumble in the red zone.

One particularly vocal fan shouted, “Get outta here!” while another reportedly referred to Walz as a “communist”—not exactly the kind of reception Walz might have expected in the football mecca of the Midwest.

Despite his attempts to ignore the hostility, Walz’s efforts to salvage the situation only made things worse. At one point, the governor described his walk into the stadium as a “religious experience.” Whether it was the spirit of football or just pure delusion, the crowd’s reaction remained less than holy.

The Michigan fans didn’t just boo Walz; they seemed to actively reject his very presence. While the governor was hoping to bask in the glow of football camaraderie, he was instead left wondering where he went wrong. Did he wear the wrong colors? Did he make the grave mistake of mentioning Minnesota’s weather? Or was it simply that, in the eyes of Michigan football fans, politics should be left at the stadium gates—unless, of course, you’re a certain former president.

One bystander noted that it was almost “tragic” how out of place Walz seemed, as if he had wandered into a high-stakes game without even knowing who was playing. “It’s like he thought he was coming to his own campaign rally,” said one fan, shaking his head in disbelief. “But dude, this is Michigan football. If you don’t have Wolverines gear on, you might as well stay home.”

To make matters worse for Walz, the boo-filled stadium experience stood in stark contrast to former President Donald Trump’s triumphant appearance at the Alabama-Georgia game on the same day. While Walz was dodging jeers and side-eyes, Trump was greeted like a returning champion by the 100,000-strong crowd in Tuscaloosa. It didn’t take long for the stadium to erupt in cheers of “USA! USA!” and “Four More Years!” as Trump took his seat.

It was, in short, the perfect political touchdown for Trump—and an embarrassing fumble for Walz.

The Harris-Walz campaign’s attempt to troll Trump with a blimp ad accusing him of ducking a debate only added to the governor’s troubles. Planned as a grand show of clever trolling, the ad was scrapped at the last minute due to weather concerns. One might say that if the weather hadn’t ruined the plan, the reception to Walz’s presence at the Michigan game certainly did.

As if the public humiliation wasn’t enough, the aftermath of the Michigan game has only gotten worse for Walz. In a move that left political pundits and football fans alike scratching their heads, sources have confirmed that Walz has been permanently banned from attending future college football games—at least in the Big Ten conference.

The official reason for the ban? “Unnecessary roughness…to the ears,” said one anonymous source close to the Michigan athletic department. “We’ve had hecklers and booing before, but this was something else. The fans just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Another insider hinted that the ban was put in place to “preserve the integrity of the game.” After all, no one wants to risk having an entire stadium clear out because of one politician’s unfortunate appearance. “It’s about protecting the fans,” the source added. “And the players. And the hot dog vendors, honestly. Nobody was safe from the boos.”

In the face of his public banishment from the sacred grounds of college football, Governor Walz has taken a surprisingly upbeat stance. Speaking to reporters outside of Minnesota’s statehouse, Walz shrugged off the whole incident, saying, “If being booed by a few football fans is the price I have to pay for doing what’s right, then so be it. I wear it as a badge of honor.”

However, sources close to the governor tell a different story. One aide, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, confided that Walz was “absolutely devastated” by the public rejection. “He loves football. Loves it. He thought this was going to be a great moment for him—a chance to show he’s just a regular guy. Instead, he’s basically been turned into the political equivalent of a quarterback who throws nothing but interceptions.”

Rumors have already begun swirling that Walz may now opt to stick to watching games from the comfort of his living room, where the only boos he’ll hear will be coming from his television screen—and perhaps the occasional call from an angry constituent.

The fallout from the Michigan game has spilled into political discourse as well. Republican strategists are already crafting talking points about Walz’s inability to even win over football fans, suggesting that if he can’t handle the roar of a stadium crowd, how can he possibly manage the pressures of the vice presidency? One commentator quipped, “If he gets rattled by a few boos, what’s going to happen when he faces a hostile Congress?”

On social media, the memes came fast and furious. One viral post showed an image of Walz’s motorcade pulling up to the stadium, with the caption: “When you thought you were going to a pep rally, but you walked into a roast.” Another meme featured Walz’s bewildered expression, superimposed with the words: “Coach told me I’d be a starter…but I never even made the team.”

It’s safe to say that Walz’s trip to Michigan didn’t go as planned. What was meant to be a moment of connection with everyday Americans turned into a spectacle of boos, jeers, and an indefinite ban from the college football world. For a politician who prides himself on being in touch with the average voter, it was a painful reminder that not every crowd is a campaign rally.

As for the rest of the college football season? One thing is for sure: Tim Walz will be watching from home, banned from the stands, with only the memories of boos echoing in his ears.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.